Being A Safe Choice

Ams, June 11, 2011 at 3:56 PM

Over the last few months something has been happening more and more often. People keep confiding very personal information about themselves with me or asking me for advice on personal issues. This has happened before I got married but I've noticed that it has been happening much more frequently after I got married. I'm not really sure of the reason and when I mentioned this to others they told me it's probably because being married I'm seen as a safe person to talk to. Hmm...interesting. I'm not sure how to take that or how to understand it. Is it because being married is interpreted as an indication of maturity or wisdom? Maybe people think I have my life more figured out than them because I'm married? That is totally not true btw, but I guess maybe to someone who isn't married they would look at me as a person who has taken care of certain life goals before them.

Anyway, it's just an observation I've made. I really don't mind people confiding in me as I am a pretty good secret keeper. It's also been giving me the opportunity to listen, which is a skill I've been wanting to work on. I tend to blab out advice before people ask for it, and I know how annoying it can be when others do it to me so I really wanted to change that about myself.

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Renewing Passports

Ams, May 4, 2011 at 11:07 PM

I started filling out the application for a passport renewal today and I noticed that you couldn't renew an expired passport if you changed your name to your spouse's name after marriage after the previous one was issued. I guess you would have to go through applying for a passport from scratch. Yet another reason I'm glad I didn't change my name when I got married. For legal things like this, it's just makes things so much easier. Plus it's probably better to track lineage when people don't change their names.

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Re-Opened

Ams, March 27, 2011 at 2:42 PM

Now that I have friends who are getting married I decided to reopen this blog in case any of my previous posts will help them in their planning. I may also make an occassional post, but I'd rather not promise it. I'm already slacking on my other blogs. =P

Also, the comments are currently closed on all posts because I don't see the point in keeping it open. If you want to get in contact with me then you can do so by emailing me at jam.slicio.us [at] gmail [dot] com. 

 

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Perceptions From Others

Ams, June 30, 2010 at 11:26 PM

Marriage is a funny thing. As soon as you enter into it others refer to you as "the wife" or "the husband". For instance, today I was referred to as "the wife" by hubby's friend. Weird. I don't define myself as a wife but somehow others seem to define me this way. It's not that I find it offensive since people tend to do this for all sorts of characteristics. Ie. "the blonde", "the shorty", "the Canadian", etc. It's funny how once you're married then that's what seems to be a predominant part of your identity to others unless you don't let people know that you're married.

Another funny thing I've noticed is that because I look young for my age people don't expect me to be married. I've had a few instances since getting married that people are surprised that I'm married. Often they assume that I came from a traditional family and that I got an arranged marriage. You should see their faces when I tell them that I did not get an arranged marriage and that it was not to a person of Indian descent. 

People tend to assume things by first perception. I don't bother getting offended unless I'm either in a bad mood or can tell that they're just an asshole. I usually just brush it off and hope that I will be an example for them to live by to not judge a book by its cover.

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Joined At The Hip

Ams, June 7, 2010 at 7:54 PM

Something that changes once you get married is the way others regard you. I find that a lot of people assume that Jack and I do everything together. If I'm invited out then they think Jack has to be invited too, and vice versa. I sometimes wonder if certain people avoid planning things with me because they want to do an all-girls event and don't want a guy there; as if Jack and I are somehow joined at the hip and are physically inseparable.

Why do people think that as soon as someone gets married their partner has to tag along to everything? I have a firm belief that your independence and individuality does not have to be stunted just because you get married, so it is frustrating to feel like others keep thinking of me as a couple instead of an individual. I try to let people know that I'm available to do things without Jack and that we are both completely fine with each other spending time with other people, but it doesn't seem to always work. I just hope that this way that we're treated doesn't lead us to become one of those stupid couples that cannot do anything without the other one there. Talk about boring and pathetic. I think if I ever get to that point, realizing that my life has become that way will make me regret getting married.

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