jam.slicio.us

I've heard over and over again that weddings are supposed to be about the bride and groom (mostly the bride - barf!) and really, this is a lie. Weddings are not just about the two people getting married but rather the unification of two families and their close friends. Just like other couples I'm sure, It's sometimes hard for us to do what we want for our wedding because others aren't comfortable with us going out of the norm. Even though it is somewhat expected that we are going to have an unconventional wedding there is still the assumption that for the most part we will have a mostly traditional Western wedding with some Taiwanse and Indian elements. Well, they're right. It would be great if we could cut out a lot of useless practices, but it's so impractical. People like predictability and order because they find themselves in a state of uncertainty and confusion without it. So for the most part we have kept things pretty predictable and taken out things that we really don't want there. For instance, we're walking down the aisle together, we're not having a flower girl or ring bearer, we're having parasols instead of bouquets, we're cutting out a lot of "Christian" elements to the ceremony (I'll come back to this later), we're not having the garter toss or the bouquet toss, and we're thinking about not having a first dance. There have been times when we've been teased into having some of these things, but really we just don't want them. Period.

Now getting back to the Christian elements, I find it disturbing how many people don't realize that when they refer to a Christian wedding that what they are really referring to is a wedding based on European traditions. Even in non-European counties where there have been missionary work by European missionaries, they enforced European traditions, culture, and artistry into their Christian doctrine. Whether they did this intentionally as a way to erase the "barbaric" pagan culture from converts or if they did this without realizing that Jesus' gospel and European-Christian traditions were separate, they occured. The bride wearing white, the bridesmaids wearing a colour similar to the bride, getting married in a church/chapel, having one's marriage being performed by a religious official (most often a man), wearing your wedding ring on your left ring finger - these things are cultural. They're not Christian. Really all God says to define a marriage is that an individual will leave their parents, join with their spouse and have sex (Genesis 2:24). That's all there is to it. Anything we add on is purely out of our need as humans to create a divine set of rules that are purely human-made. So when others are surprised that Jack and I are not participating in traditional "Christian" customs, I feel the need to create a teaching moment by showing them how Christian does not mean European or mandatory. Of course, I've never left such a conversation where the other person has an 'ah ha' moment, but I try. *sigh*

I have been trying to ensure that we will be able to pay for this wedding by maintaining a fairly strict budget and thinking of ways to cut down on costs. Well I did my part and as always God did His. I will be starting a 3-month contract job next week which will allow me to make enough money for us to not only have a debt-free wedding, but we will have money left over for a honeymoon or to either start saving up for a down payment. Woo hoo! Thanks God. I'm still going to stick to a strict budget but we won't have to fret so much about being flat broke at the end of the wedding. I try not to worry about things in my life, because I know I will always be taken care of (Luke 12:22-24). Even though I did worry here and there about wedding costs I'm glad I didn't waste too much time worrying about them. It's pointless; I'm obviously in good hands.

Something that has really been bothering me is the requirement to pay a minister to marry a couple. Why should they be charging for this service? At first I was a bit ticked that in many churches members can use the church facilities and resources for free while non-members have to pay for these things. But when I thought about it, it did seem fair since members are continuously providing finances for the church while non-members' funds are going elsewhere. So it would in a sense be rude to force members to pay when they are already contributing to sustaining the church facility and its staff. So I believe it is right to ask non-members to pay for expenses such as clean up, anyone who plays music, and the expenses of renting the facility. But I still don't know why a minister should be paid to marry a couple.

For many Christian denominations they only regard a Christian marriage as one that is conducted and overseen by a religious officiant (pastor, priest, minister, reverand, etc.). So to tell a couple that they have to pay the church's religious officiant to get married is like saying you have to pay to have your marriage recognized as a Christian wedding/ marriage. That's manipulative, and in my opinion, wrong. I understand that many ministers don't get paid an extravogant salary (despite what many people believe), but that doesn't mean they should create a sitatution where believers are forced to pay for something because they will be shunned otherwise. It's not right. It is different if a religious officiant has requirements for what couples they want to marry based on his or her beliefs, but to charge people is to make a profit in the name of God. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Marrying a couple to make money is a business and has no place in churches. How is this Biblical? How is this justified? This is a mockery of God and the sanctity of marriage.

I personally don't care if I'm married in church or not, nor if I am married by a pastor or a government officiant. I don't think that any of these will make or not make our marriage a Christian marriage. I know what I believe and what Jack believes and we do not need other people (especially official religious individuals) to validate our union when it's only God's opinion that really matters. What makes a marriage a Christian marriage is when both partners are followers of Jesus and put Him at the centre of their relationship. All the other things don't matter. So yeah...let's see how this whole choosing a marriage officiant takes place. I wouldn't be surprised if my parents force us to pay some pastor. >_>

P.S. Average cost of the wedding ceremony is between $700-$1,000. Let's buy God's blessing! *groan*