jam.slicio.us

I've heard over and over again that weddings are supposed to be about the bride and groom (mostly the bride - barf!) and really, this is a lie. Weddings are not just about the two people getting married but rather the unification of two families and their close friends. Just like other couples I'm sure, It's sometimes hard for us to do what we want for our wedding because others aren't comfortable with us going out of the norm. Even though it is somewhat expected that we are going to have an unconventional wedding there is still the assumption that for the most part we will have a mostly traditional Western wedding with some Taiwanse and Indian elements. Well, they're right. It would be great if we could cut out a lot of useless practices, but it's so impractical. People like predictability and order because they find themselves in a state of uncertainty and confusion without it. So for the most part we have kept things pretty predictable and taken out things that we really don't want there. For instance, we're walking down the aisle together, we're not having a flower girl or ring bearer, we're having parasols instead of bouquets, we're cutting out a lot of "Christian" elements to the ceremony (I'll come back to this later), we're not having the garter toss or the bouquet toss, and we're thinking about not having a first dance. There have been times when we've been teased into having some of these things, but really we just don't want them. Period.

Now getting back to the Christian elements, I find it disturbing how many people don't realize that when they refer to a Christian wedding that what they are really referring to is a wedding based on European traditions. Even in non-European counties where there have been missionary work by European missionaries, they enforced European traditions, culture, and artistry into their Christian doctrine. Whether they did this intentionally as a way to erase the "barbaric" pagan culture from converts or if they did this without realizing that Jesus' gospel and European-Christian traditions were separate, they occured. The bride wearing white, the bridesmaids wearing a colour similar to the bride, getting married in a church/chapel, having one's marriage being performed by a religious official (most often a man), wearing your wedding ring on your left ring finger - these things are cultural. They're not Christian. Really all God says to define a marriage is that an individual will leave their parents, join with their spouse and have sex (Genesis 2:24). That's all there is to it. Anything we add on is purely out of our need as humans to create a divine set of rules that are purely human-made. So when others are surprised that Jack and I are not participating in traditional "Christian" customs, I feel the need to create a teaching moment by showing them how Christian does not mean European or mandatory. Of course, I've never left such a conversation where the other person has an 'ah ha' moment, but I try. *sigh*

A couple of people have asked me if Jack and I will be having a tea ceremony as part of our wedding. And the answer is, no. Tea ceremonies are a common tradition practiced by many Chinese groups during their wedding ceremonies. It is basically a ceremony to show respect for the parents of the bride and groom as well as to provide an opportunity for both families to meet. Unfortunately, it is also a tradition filled with patriarchal, hierarchical, and sexist concepts that we are strongly against. So we will not be participating in it.

I've been reading up on what kinds of flowers people usually use at their weddings to get an idea of style, prices, and types of arrangements. What I've noticed is that there is a lot of hatred for carnations. Why? They are such beautiful flowers. They look like smaller versions of peonies and (in my opinion) they're better looking than roses. I've been trying to research the history of carnations and why there is so much hatred for them but I haven't really found anything other than 'older generations think they're cheap and tacky.' So here is my speculation on this topic.

A bouquet of carnations resemble a bouquet of roses (in comparison to other flowers like gladiolas, irises, calla lillies, orchids, etc.). Carnations are much more inexpensive than roses because they're easier to cultivate and they are much more hardy than hybrid roses (wild roses are different but who uses those in wedding bouquets). In bouquets carnations are more hardy than roses - carnations last longer and stay together better than roses which usually fall apart with minor distress. Roses are a symbol of elegance and privilege (think the Queen's tea roses). I think that previously when people could not afford roses they would use carnations as a substitute to mimic roses and attempt to gain status by being like the upper class. Roses symbolized status since those who could afford roses were financial stable to do so. Hence, roses became a symbol of privelege that has continued today. Because people can afford more than carnations now, it is seen as cheap and tacky because all they represent is the lower-class trying to be like the upper-class (hence, tacky). In a sense, since the lower classes have increased their own consumer power (even though it is nowhere in comparison to the upper class), the lower classes continue with the fiscade to minim the status of the privileged by having roses at their wedding. To go back to carnations would be disasterous to the progression of the lower class.

Carnations are making a 'come back', but that usually happens when enough generations have passed that nobody knows their history. I love carnations and I'm pretty sure I will use it in my bouquet. This is mostly because foxgloves (my favourite flower) are poisonous to humans and I don't want to kill any kids at the wedding.

Btw, when I was reading this page on the meaning of carnations, they stated, "Christians believe that the first carnation bloomed on earth when Mary wept for Jesus as he carried his cross." Who the fuck believes that? And are they referring to European Christians? Hello! There are other Christians in this world besides European Christians.  Honestly, can't people keep their ethnocentric bullshit out of educational material. I should put my own twist on that statement and make it more Indian. "Christians believe that the first banana tree bloomed on earth when Jesus turned water into wine." I took out the Mary part since I'm not Catholic. And that was another problem too. Christian does not always mean Catholic. Eesh! =/

I've been increasingly wanting to just have a court wedding. The stress of it all is really getting to me even though I've taken a break from it until I finish this damn research paper. Jack's parents are all for civil service weddings too. It's quick, affordable, has minimal stress, and cuts out a lot of the bullshit that goes along with other wedding ceremonies. I know my parents are opposed to this though - they promote in-church weddings. But I've noticed how all this wedding planning has been more for what other people want than for what we want. I'm seriously considering it now. I've tried to humour people and allowed their input, but this is not their wedding nor is it their marriage. And I'm tired of people trying to emotionally blackmail me into doing things to please others. I feel the need to hand out part favours with a satchel of pot so that people can RELAX. Honestly, why are people so uptight about such trivial things?

In another rant, I had my sari blouse stitched in India and didn't have time to pick it up before we left. We were supposed to get it sent to us but for some reason people think it is better to send packages with people rather than mailing it. I have no idea why this is, especially since they want to send it with a certain family member that I do not like and who I don't plan on inviting to the wedding. I'd rather keep this issue low key and having this person drop off my blouse and then not get invited is a slap in the face. But of course, people insist on sending my blouse through people rather than mailing it. WTF! I'll send a fucking cheque or money order or whatever. Just mail the damn thing. >=/