jam.slicio.us

One of the things that is imperitive to wedding planning is research. Unless one is fortunate enough to already know all there is to know about wedding planning or have the luxury of hiring an ensemble of event planners to take care of everything for you, chances are you will be spending many, many hours reading articles, getting advice from now married couples, looking through online wedding galleries/scrapbooks, etc. This can be incredibly beneficial for someone like me who has 1) never thought about her wedding day until after she got engaged, 2) only attended two weddings in her life and didn't pay much attention to things because she wasn't planning her wedding, 3) never organized a social event and realized how fucking annoying it is to try to please everyone, and 4) had no idea where to start.

I've read many articles, browsed/creeped through many wedding pictures online, researched various vendors, created a budget sheet before doing anything else, and asked around when I needed advice on something. However I've realized that the more information I obtain, the more and more I deter away from what we originally wanted. We wanted a wedding that was simple, classy, and true to who we are. But the more pictures I see and articles I read about what I could do makes me want to alter, add, or eliminate things that we've already decided upon.

Let's take wedding photography for instance. We wanted something that was slightly (very, very slightly) romantic, with minimal cheesyness, not so typical shots, and shots that reflect our goofyness. But the more I look at wedding pics the more I think that I should be taking more serious, cheesy shots. A part of me detests this but after seeing this over and over again I feel inclined to give in. Damn peer pressure! It's not just photography. It's many things. I'm not sure if it's better that I stop looking around and just make up shit that I want or if I should continue to search for info while keeping a strong, determined mind. I'm just unsure if the latter is feasible or a foolish risk.

P.S. I know my paragraphs aren't proper but it's just easier to read when things are broken up. =P

One of the things that most first-born children face their entire lives is the strong urge to make their parents proud of them. Ever since they were born their parents have placed higher expectations, harsher discipline, and a shorter tolerance for disappointing achievements (or lack thereof). I'm no exception. The first person I notified when Jack and I became engaged was my mother. Her response: "Well that's no surprise." She didn't really care, or at least that's what it seemed.

During the wedding planning I have tried to involve both my parents by asking them for their input. Even though Jack and I are doing the planning ourselves, we still try to involve our close family members because we sincerely care about what they think. With my parents I've been mostly faced with an uncaring attitude - not the type that wants us to do what we want but rather more like they feel I am inconveniencing them by asking. They often get annoyed when I ask them questions, but are equally annoyed that they are not more involved. They expect me to provide them with guidelines as to what we want from them, but when I ask them (and constantly remind them) to provide us with their guestlist, their expectations for the ceremony and reception, and what if anything they want to pay for (since they make it very clear they want to pay for something), they act like I am hounding them and making their lives miserable.

It has really been taking a toll on me. I don't know why I bother trying and my only explanation is that even after they break my heart over and over again with their harsh criticisms, their refusal to accept me the way I am, their inability to be happy for my accomplishments, and the overall lack of appreciation for my attempt to do things for them, I believe that I still somehow want to please them regardless of how impossible it is to do so. I don't know if I should just not bother with them at all to save myself the heartache or if I should still continue to try. Even though I value family, I feel it's sometimes better to distance yourself from people that hurt you rather than trying to fix the problem.

After reviewing and revising our budget, Jack and I have decided that we cannot afford a honeymoon. We have also decided that we cannot afford transportation and will ask someone to drive us to and from our venues. I'm thinking that we probably won't stay in a hotel our wedding night. $500 for one night is too much with everything else. Currently our budget is $5,000 over what we had intended on spending (actually $10,000 over what I had originally wanted to spend). There is really nothing we can cut back on that we haven't cut out already. All that we have budgetted for is realistic, non-splurging items. We are paying for this wedding ourselves, and since Jack is the only one working it's mostly his money that is going towards this. I'm trying my best to cut back so that we don't have to spend all of his savings, but it looks like it is inevitable. We are not willing to go into debt for this and we are certainly not expecting the money we will receive in gifts to pay for anything. Our planning viewpoint is to assume we are not going to receive anything. Any gift that is given to us is out of the generosity of the giver and they are not obligated to give anything or a minimum amount.

I have to admit though that constantly watching these finances is stressing me out. As much as I love the thought of celebrating with my friends and family I can't help but feel regretful that we didn't just elope or have a court wedding. $20,000 is a lot of money and with that we can easily put a downpayment on a home. Hopefully we will have money later to take a honeymoon but I wouldn't be surprised if it gets put on hold for a year or two. I just hope we don't end up like some couples who never get around to it. =/

So far I have e-mailed four chruches to find out if we can get married there. Only three have contacted me back and two said they could. The third asked what our home church was and since I gave the name of the church I used to attend before attending university, they encouraged me to 'connect' with my 'home' church. Unfortunately my 'home' church hasn't replied. I don't know...the administration is seriously lacking there. But anyway, we have two possible leads so far and one church in particular stated that they don't enforce any particular type of ceremony as long as it is conducted by an ordained pastor. That's fine with me. I'm just concerned that we'll have to deal with a church that tells us what "Christian" (read: Eurpean) traditions we will have to have in our wedding ceremony in order to be considered a Christian ceremony. Let's hope we won't have that bs come our way.

We also have two leads on banquet facilities. One place is booked for all the Saturdays in July so we may have to choose a Sunday. The other isn't free on July 18th but is free on July 25th. I'm hoping that I'll get to check those places out this weekend with Jack and we can make a decision soon. I really want to book a venue ASAP since there are quite a few number of people flying in for our wedding and the sooner we get the dates finalized, the easier it is for them to make arrangements. So please pray that everything will work out smoothly for us.