Proper Etiquette - Respectful or Idiotic?
I've noticed that several wedding invitation sites that they have a list of Do's and Don'ts concerning wedding invitation etiquette. This goes beyond the wording of invitations and into all sorts of appropriate and not-appropriate things to do. I've read over them and really, proper etiquette is outdated, sexist, classist, and impractical. I don't know why so many educated, supposedly progressive individuals promote such ridiculous customs. Most of these lists don't even explain the reasoning behind such etiquette, which to me screams traditional patriarchy and the secondary status of women. Take the following proper etiquette customs for instance:
1. The reception information cannot be printed on the wedding invitation because they are two different events and require their own invitations.
Umm...wtf? Who cares. A lot of people put their wedding and reception information on one invitation when they are both taking place in the same location. Having two invitations is a waste of paper and money. Obviously abiding to this custom shows is a way to maintain the status of wealth by showing how you can afford to provide two invitations regardless of how ridiculous it is. Classism.
2. Attire for the wedding/reception should not be mentioned on the invitation(s) unless it is black tie.
I don't see why it's so impolite to let your guests know how to dress. Maybe one can see it as insulting to demand a certain type of attire, but I think that most guests will be thankful if the hosts take the guess work out for them. I'm sure most people don't want to face the awkwardness of being too underdressed or overdressed at a wedding. I've heard plenty of stories about that from friends. Impractical.
3. Don't mention gift registry information. Rely on word-of-mouth from your close family and friends.
How are guests who your family and friends don't know supposed to find this out? I don't see why it should be a problem to put in an extra paper with details of the wedding, including gift registry information into the envelope with the wedding invitation. I just wouldn't put it on the wedding invitation itself because it would take up too much room. Cluttering up a small card usually prevents reader from absorbing all the information. Impractical.
4. Never seperate the man's first and last name when addressing invitations.
So if I am sending an invitation to Bob and Margaret Smith, proper etiquette tells me that I should address it Margaret and Bob Smith and not Bob and Margaret Smith. Some might think it is polite to address the woman first (ladies first type of idea), but I see it more as the man has the right to his ancestral name than his wife does. Her ties to the name aren't as sound as his and therefore it is insulting to have her claim that closer position than him. Sexism.
5. Never include "no kids" or "adults only" on the reception invitation.
According to this custom, those invited should figure out that their children are not invited through the way that the invitation is addressed (Mr. and Mrs. Smith and not Mr. and Mrs. Smith and children). I admit that the "no kids" statement sounds more harsh than "adults only", but to be honest, a lot of people aren't too bright. It just saves time and stress to be perfectly clear. A lot of people get insulted when their children are not invited even though they don't realize how inconvenient and impractical it is to allow children to attend a wedding reception, so maybe that is why this is frowned upon. But if they are going to feel insulted that their children aren't invited it won't matter how you say it to them. They'll still be pissed at you.
